Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
