Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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