so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this beer tastes like vomit already
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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