Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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