$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
