I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
