it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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