I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think your dad took our porno
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
