forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
