Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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