you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
