Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Randomize
