Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
