get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
