Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
