All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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