hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
