My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
