Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
