trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize