don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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