That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
