cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
