Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
