I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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