Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
