Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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