I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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