heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
