The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's blow job season.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
