Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize