what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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