note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
