Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
