A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
