Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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