Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
