So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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