Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
