My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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