also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
