i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
