Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
