I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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