So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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