I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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