Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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