Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
