Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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