We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
