I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
