i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
