I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
