she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
