If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Still dying that you shit outside
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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