the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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