One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
