Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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