i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
