btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
