i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
