new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I did not marry a roomba.
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