Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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