Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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