the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
