and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
