do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
