Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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