if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
