Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
