He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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