mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize