There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
