did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
