you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
