I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
