My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
