AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
