brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
