It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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