i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
