I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
