so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
